Blue Sheep

I wrote a blog earlier about how having an undiagnosed condition can be lonely. I took a lonely walk this morning wishing I had someone by my side. I started out thinking the only way I was going to get some answers about my health was if I was dead and they preformed an autopsy. Then I walked by a herd of sheep and noticed that there was one who had his back spray painted blue. And then it hit me. I am the blue sheep within my family and social circle. I have similar capabilities to the other sheep, in fact I look just like the other sheep. But most people can't see that blue streak on my back. They don't know how hard I fight to be normal each day. They don't know what it feels like to loose out on dreams because others don't understand my blue streak.

For some reason I have a condition that sets me apart from the herd. It's not as apparent as someone who is in wheelchair or has cancer, but it is real. It causes me pain and fatigue. It causes my pyruvate acid to be abnormally high. It also causes me to feel disconnected from the rest of the world.

Just when I was starting to feel really low I saw another spray painted sheep wander out from behind a bush. I began to wonder how many other people out there feel just like I do. There must be others dealing with all the pain and stigmas that accompany having an undiagnosed condition. In that moment as I stared at the two blue sheep I knew that I could be ok if I could connect with other people who are experiencing the same fears and sadness that I felt. How do I find those other blue sheep to know that life doesn't have to fall apart just because I don't have a name to describe what's going on with my body? My hope is that through this blog I will be able to connect with others and form a support group. It's a lot easier to travel the path with a friend. It's a lot easier to face the fear of being undiagnosed with other blue sheep.